Wednesday, December 9, 2009
June 30,1980 this is one of the first biggest days of my life. I became a mother! What an amazing experience. The years have flown by to add 2 more children with a total of 1 boy & 2 girls. My how the years just keep on flipping and before you know it I have 3 kids, 1 son~n~law, 3 GRANDkids, with a new Grandchild on the way in Feb 2010 oh and I'm getting a new son~n~law 12/19/09. Everything is rolling along as usual until the night of Dec.3,2009 @ about 11:45 pm with a banging on the door. Before you know the worst that can happen in a parents life.....My only son is gone. My daughters have lost their big brother & my 3 GRANDchildren have lost the adoring Daddy! How can this be? This happens to others but not to me! Not my family! This total utter feeling of loss & grief I can not stand! How is it when I hold my sons hand on this dreadful night & hold his face in my hand that I only feel cold? I think me my husband & my girls are just going along in limbo. In a fog. So many times in the last few days I have wanted to call Shane but I can't. The line is dead, no more calls no more hugs.....Oh I can't stand this complete utter feeling of loss! I still have my girls THANKfully but when they are gone then what? We used to always tease about the fact that with Cassey in Japan and Britt in Abilene " Well you still have Shane" but even that is not true. I don't have him anymore, but the worst part of that is that my Grandkids don't have Daddy anymore, and this truely breaks heart. There is nothing I can do now but love the time I have with my girls & I am so THANKful every day for my husband who is my rock. He is so busy being strong for me that he isn't thinking of himself! Al I can say for now is Lord, please give us strength!