Saturday, December 3, 2011

December 3

December 3, the dreaded date that we hate. Its here and nothing can change it. Nothing can stop all the thoughts. So many what if's. What if he had not gotten his new Tahoe, then he would have all ready been home cause he was catching rides. What if he had buckled up as I had told him over & over. What if he had came home to stay right after work and not stayed over to work on the mural at Truman. What if, what if, what if!!!!!!! Nothing will ever change the cold hard truth. Shane, my Son, my first born. Shane, Cassey & Brittany's big brother. Their protector, their one to look up to, their one to worry about, especially Cassey, you know her she always worried about him. And yes their terrorizer! He was that he was their "Big Brother" and thats what brothers do, aggravate their little sisters . Shane, Chloe', Ashtyn & Addi's Daddy, he is gone.......
Lord knows this has been a hard 2 yrs. So many changes so many adjustments. We've had to learn to go forward even when we didn't want to. You hear all the time life goes on & it does even when you wish it didn't. My mind keeps saying this time 2 yrs ago I didn't know that by later in the night how our life was going to change. And since then our lives have continued to change. Britt has married, Nate & Cassey have had Noah, the kids are getting older. Me & Greg are getting older lol but we just keep going. Thats all we can do. Love each other.
You look around and listen and realize there are so many people walking around in pain and grief, so many walking around with a smile that is not exactly real, more like painted on to make it through whatever is going on in their lives. Just say a prayer for them. And say a prayer for me, Greg, the girls Shanes kids our family. We are all going through this together even though we may not all be here together. Their is a place in our hearts that will be forever empty because we have lost him, that will never be filled. We just have to hold on to what we've got.....each other