Sunday, September 19, 2010



Grandkids are truly GRAND!! You go through life hearing all the sayings about how great grandkids are & until you get to this point you don't realize how true it is. But all I can say is I love being a grandparent. As everyone knows Noah is in Japan and growing like a weed. He doesn't realize he is suppose to be a baby. no not him, he just went headlong into this growing up thing at lightening speed. I think after the first month he left infancy behind. But thank the Lord for modern technology! Since we can Skype on a regular basis he knows who we are & the other GRANDkids remember Aunt Cassey & Uncle Nathan and they get to talk to Noah so it's almost like they don't live out of the country.
Then there is Shane's 3 kids. what can I say? They lost there Daddy & it makes me so sad & so mad to, that they lost their Daddy, who was a hands on Dad & who wanted to be involved in their lives totally & completely, and he loved them so much, then their are other men out there who have nothing to do with their kids. It doesn't make sense. But life is full of questions & why's so I guess we will never know.
The my husband Greg. What can I say about him except,he is awesome!! You know you don't have to have the same blood running through you to be family! He completely loves all of our GRANDkids without fault! He has stepped up to the plate in SO many ways with our kids & GRANDkids! Folks who know us well know exactly what I'm talking about. He is a rock to me, the kids & GRANDkids! The grandkids are crazy about him & the feelings are mutual. So anyway he truly is amazing to me. Our life you could say has not really gone quite like we thought. When we lost Shane it totally & completely changed the course of our life! In some ways we will never be the same again! When it happened I wanted to curl up & die, and there are some days it still feels so fresh that the overwhelming feelings come back full force, but in other ways life is good. Looking at the GRANDkids sure help. Seeing my girls and watching their lives with their husbands help. They are both happy and grounded and even though they are still hurting as we are they have to go on to. The place in our heart for Shane will always be there & the pain of his loss will always be there but we must go on, one day at a time.
there is a saying that I've heard a lot lately that is so true, I hope I don't mess it up.

It's not the breaths that you take in your lifetime, but the moments that take your breath away that matters......

This is so true. So life is not guaranteed to always be happy, this I have learned, but you have to keep on rolling through your life and try to be happy.
Anyway these are a few of my thoughts for today. Oh and Cassey will be 27 tomorrow! Where has the time gone?

Friday, September 3, 2010

September 3

Today is Sept 3rd. It's been 9 mths now since life as we knew was changed forever. It's still so hard. The kids are still missing him and thinking of him. Ashtyn or Addi will say something out of the blue. Especially Ashtyn and he remembers so vividly. its amazing really. It's so sad to me that they tell people "My Daddy died". But they say it and it's the truth so......
I took Shane some new fall color flowers yesterday and removed some of the other faded flowers, it's so sad. I used to take him toilet paper or paper towels and maybe help him pick up around his house. But now I'm taking him flowers to the cemetery and picking up little bits and pieces of stuff around his grave. It's not fair! I know life's not fair but with so many bad people running around why my son? I know he was not without fault, ha! We all know he made some bad choices in his life but for his kids he settled down worked and took care of them loved them so completely, it just doesn't make since, but it never will so here we go, Life we keep on and make the best of it and try to live it for him, if he can't be here then we will carry on. Take care of his kids, love them and love the life we have, even if the smile is sometimes just a fraud..... but sometimes they are genuine.....