2009 : (

Well here I am, it's the end of 2009, & it's almost exactly 4 wks since Shane had his wreck and since all of our lives changed so much! In 10 minutes it will be the time in which I lost my only Son. In 46 minutes it will be the end of 2009. Last year we were at Shane's celebrating the coming year. Little did I know then that I was bringing in the last New Year with Shane and sending out the year without him. I am having a really hard time....it seems like the beginning of a new year is going forward without him and it's not fair. Life goes on I know this. We have to go on with our lives even though I feel like i'm betraying Shane, but I know I can't stop living to. It's so hard though. In these last weeks we've cried alot of tears in our family but we have laughed to. We've had a wedding, a honeymoon and a baby shower. We've had a small gathering at Meguell's parents home and we had a good time, played games, laughed and then I kept looking for Shane to walk in the room and he didn't and he never will again. How do we keep going? I also think of other families who are going through the same pain and grief that our family is going through, my heart goes out to them also. This is not how it's supposed to be. My heart breaks when I think about how his children will not know him, how much he loved them. All I can think is, it's NOT FAIR!! But whoever said life was fair? All I know is we will have to keep him alive for the kids, always let them know he loved them and love them also with our whole heart.