The final piece of this nightmare

Well here it is the final piece of this nightmare that makes it SO real!! It is truly a beautiful headstone. Picked out & designed by his Dad, myself & the girls. It is really a beautiful tribute to Shane, the true & real Shane...aka Daddy. This is where Shane was so prosperous. He may not have had alot of money in the bank & he may not have had alot of material things but he had his children & his family! He loved his kids with his whole being. His concern was always that his kids be taken care of not his self. He even told us not to buy anything for him at Christmas, just buy for his kids. And he loved his family completely! He was so proud of his sister's. I'm not sure if he ever told them but he told me.

Are we still struggling? Yes very much so! He is the last thing on my mind at night & the first thing in the morning before I open my eyes.

People ask if you are doing ok, yes you tell them what else are you suppose to say? " NO MY SON IS DEAD"? But you don't say that you carry on day to day & try to find some normal in the day.

I seem to live for the next time the GRANDkids are here even though it tires me out so, but they are what makes it easier. And my girls I talk to both of them every day & that help so much even if its a Hi I love you but gotta go. Thats ok, cause thats normal. It seems the normal helps.

Shane's dad got a lady in town that paints on the windows of the business's in town to finish his mural at Truman, I've seen pictures that was forwarded to my phone but I haven't seen it yet myself. From what I heard she did it in memory to Shane, she wouldn't let him pay her. This is so sweet. I hope to meet her one day.

You know they say that the first year is the hardest because you experience all the first without your loved one. Well I've already started going thru that. A couple weeks ago I took them to Chuck E Cheese & the last time we were there Shane was with us. Tomorrow we go to Kids Station for Cameron's birthday the last time we were there was the day Cassey left for Japan, the last time she saw him, but I can't not go because of that! Then that would be the first step to not living if I hid away in the house & didn't take the kids to these activities, it would not be fair to them & I will not do that to them.

So how am I? Better to be honest, but it still is SO hard. I still cannot believe that Shane is gone....but we continue everyday... living.... for his memory, for his kids, for ourselves.

Just remember to love & cherish your family & friends don't let trivial things get in the way cause you never know when the last time you speak to them may well be the last time. Love one another