Merry Snowy Christmas

 Well Christmas 2012 is now behind. All the hustle and bustle. Such hectic times for a few weeks. Though it shouldn't be hectic and frustrating it is. We are supposed to be calm and Thankful for the birth of Jesus, he who came to save us. To give us everlasting life. And as we all say, Christmas has gotten to "commercialized". I for one, as many others in the retail industry see people at their absolute worst on "Black Friday" or as some us say "Blue Thursday", people become angry, impatient threatening even just for "Stuff", "Things". And will any of it matter the day Christmas, most of it no. What really matters is the sparkling eyes of the little ones. This is what Christmas is all about the kids. I wanted a really nice picture of our Grandkids, but kids being kids....Not gonna happen. We had all of our Gkids this year for Christmas and I wanted a picture of them all. I envisioned a really nice group picture of all of them but come on, in reality, this is the true family shot. haha! Cudo's to the professional photographers who take pictures of children.

 So all of the gkids had a really great Christmas, and thats what its all about. Its for the kids. Of course first they must be taught the true meaning of Christmas. Even the "Bigs Kids" enjoyed it. They love their stockings. A few years ago when our oldest daughter & her husband who are in the Air Force, were stationed in Japan. And all my kids were grown I told them I was going to stop doing stockings they were like "NO" Mom we look forward to them. So needless to say I still do them. And its good because this year we had a couple of people that came with family to share Christmas with us, so I just stuffed stocking for them. I believe we had 11 in all this year.
 And then if the Lord had not blessed us enough with having the girls and all the gkids home for Christmas this year he gave us a WHITE CHRISTMAS!! I'm 51 yrs old and I have never had a white Christmas. It was so exciting!
 So how was your Christmas? Here at the Wexler household we were truly blessed.  We couldn't ask for more. Well one thing we could but its not anything we could get, our Angel in Heaven, Shane. I know somewhere he saw us and saw that his children are happy, healthy & taken care of.

We are blessed.....

Well I DId It

October 21, 2012

I ran a 5K, now this isn't my first but to me its like the first real one. I ran a 5k mud Run with my youngest daughter, oh and with my son*n*law and their friends and also my 6 yr old grandson. And my first 5K I walked with a friend this last summer. But the one I ran in Oct, really seemed real to me I guess because I ram more of it than I walked. Ive been trying to train more so I can get the running down and be more comfortable with running. Ive always said all my life "I'm not a runner" but you know what, I think I am now. it's a good feeling to try and live a healthier life style. Healthier & fun I might add. I guess it started in 07 the very first time a good friend of mine started going to Weight Watchers and Ive been going ever since. Now I have to admit I'm not as religions about it as I was at first but its in me for sure with the tracking and so on. Anyway back to running. I like it. It feels good to know that even though I'm 50, Uh*um almost 51 yrs old, that I can still do things that are totally out of my normal.

 And speaking of out of my normal. I am now training to run my first half!! That's right 13.1 mile. Not sure how that will go but all I can do is try right? My girls, who by the way are my idols & inspiration took it upon themselves to sign my up to run "The Princess" at Disney in Florida in February 2013. They gave it to me for my Birthday/Christmas present so how can I say no right? Lol anyway that's what I'm doing to live healthier, what about you?

Running?

 Is 50 to old to start running? Haha this is a funny question coming from ME! Ive always said "I'm not a runner". Ive always been heavy chested so therefore, no running. But my way of thinking is changing. My whole way of living has changed in the last yr & half .
 Let me start by saying this. I have always, always admired people who had enough drive & self discipline to be physically fit. To make them selves get up early and go to the gym. To make them self workout even though they are tired and want to stay in bed. My husband gets up very early for work. 4:00 am. I would get up get ready, do a load of laundry then get on FaceBook catch up with people and play Farmville, haha. Anyway when I found out they were opening a Anytime Fitness in our town I kept thinking, I could go to the gym instead of playing on the computer. So when they opened in early 2010, I joined have have been going since March 2010. I have seen changes in my body which Im happy with though I still have more work to go, but I enjoy it. Ive been a Weight Watcher member since 2007. I lost 30lbs then and though I have played (not purposely) with a few pounds here & there, I have managed to keep most of it off. But as I got older and neared the 50 mark I noticed the flabby skin, the second wave under my arm those things that most of us don't like. Well my Weight Watchers leader Amanda put on a 5K, this being the 3rd yr. I wasn't interested at all the first year. Last year I was a little interested but didn't pursue it. When they were talking about it I was very interested. So I ask my dear friend Brenda if she would walk with me and she did. I did not run, but walked & I truly enjoyed it. I think I enjoyed doing something different, I enjoyed being around people. It was fun. Now anyone who knows me know my girls, Cassey  & Brittany are healthy minded. Cassey is the runner in the family and now Brittany is training and doing very well. So maybe that is why Im interested also. Cassey gave me a website www.fromcouchto5k.com, so I've been reading it. I really wish I had someone near me to train with someone who would help me & yes push me when I feel like I can't do it. I truly with my husband would get active with me, but thats his choice. And he doesn't have the desire. So I'm going to try to follow their how to plan and start training. Just a little. I do have disc bulges in my back so it will have to be slow so that I will know if for sure if I can do this. But then the doubts keep coming in. Your 50, you can not do this, you are to old.
 So back to the question is 50 to old to start running?

                                                  Another June......


    Well its here, June. Another of the dreaded months. I'm looking forward to this weekend because Im taking Shane's kiddos to Abilene to see Aunt Britt & Uncle Gell as they call him. But the bad thing is this weekend is Father's Day another one he is missing out on. I will have to take them to the cemetery for them to be able to say "Happy Fathers Day Daddy" UGH! Even after 2 1/2yrs I still hate this. I know its not going to change but oh I so wish. Then on the 30th my one & only Son would have been and should have been 32. I suppose I will take them again up there so they can release balloons for their Daddy. June used to be a happy month, I had my first born in the month of June. But now I can only think of the should haves. And the not fairs!
   The one good thing in June is on the 2nd. Greg & I had our 5th wedding anniversary though we've been together 12 yrs total. Mostly good years though the last 2 1/2 have been life changing.
   So once again I will pull myself up, put on the smile, (where the hell is that thing?) And just keep on going. Loving the ones I do have here. Reminding myself to be thankful. Bla Bla Bla.
No its ok, its just a mood. Its dark and everything is worse on the dark.
   Heres to a better tomorrow.......

Happy

                                         


 Well I have just returned after an amazing week in California. I so throughly enjoyed the week with Nate, Cassey & Noah. I got home yesterday after all this fun I had and my wonderful husband had cleaned the house, washed sheets & cooked dinner for me. 
 This morning we got up had breakfast then got on our motorcycle and went for a nice & relaxing ride. As a passenger on a bike all you can do is think and look at Gods beauty around you which I did.  When I realized what all I was thinking about I thought well this will make a good blog because I haven't written one in a while. So here I go, hopefully its as good on here as it was in my head.
 Dec 3, 2009 this day changed me & my family forever. This is the day Shane died. This is the day that marked my world forever. I will never be the same person I was before this day. Losing him totally changed us and the way we live. Its something I know I will never get over. But you have to pull yourself out of the murky waters of grief and keep going on.... Since this time we have had some things go on in our family that also has changed the way my family carries on. But you know life is all about change, sometimes good, sometimes not so much. But we all have to find a new normal in our life. Friends come and friends go, family comes and family goes. There is nothing we can say or do to change that. We just have to carry on.
  My girls, what can I say other that I stand in awe of them both. They are both amazing woman with good husbands and I truly admire them both so much for the lives they live. They both love the Lord and serve Him, though in different ways. Cass through her work and love of her child, and the other children that she keeps in her home. Teaching them. Britt through her Mission work and her work with young people at her job at the college.
 Then I was thinking of the life that Greg & I have. its a good life, though its somewhat different than it was before we lost Shane. We've made a lot of adjustments in our life. It hasn't always been easy but we are making our way through. I was thinking how I wanted a room addition on our house. As I have before I wonder if we will ever get to? This I do not know, but then I was also thinking how we are never satisfied with what we have. I want more room, then I have a friend who would like less room. So we are always wanting what we don't have, right? So I told the Lord, you know whatever I get or don't get thats ok. Whatever is meant to be will happen. I know I have to be happy with my life as it is today. Then I realized, I am Happy. I may not always be happy with a current situation or with something that may go on. But I am happy. If others don't like the choices I've made or some decisions I've made, so be it.I have to do what is best for me and my family . We can't always make others happy. But I'm happy. I may never get any more room, but I'm Happy. We live a good modest life, and yes there are always things we want and may not get but we are happy. Im healthy, have a great husband, wonderful kids. Amazing Grandkids I adore. I have really good and close friends that I know will be there for me with only a phone call. And some family we are close to. So, can I ask for more than that. Yes I can but I shouldn't .
 So all I can say is I'm Happy.....

December 3

December 3, the dreaded date that we hate. Its here and nothing can change it. Nothing can stop all the thoughts. So many what if's. What if he had not gotten his new Tahoe, then he would have all ready been home cause he was catching rides. What if he had buckled up as I had told him over & over. What if he had came home to stay right after work and not stayed over to work on the mural at Truman. What if, what if, what if!!!!!!! Nothing will ever change the cold hard truth. Shane, my Son, my first born. Shane, Cassey & Brittany's big brother. Their protector, their one to look up to, their one to worry about, especially Cassey, you know her she always worried about him. And yes their terrorizer! He was that he was their "Big Brother" and thats what brothers do, aggravate their little sisters . Shane, Chloe', Ashtyn & Addi's Daddy, he is gone.......

Lord knows this has been a hard 2 yrs. So many changes so many adjustments. We've had to learn to go forward even when we didn't want to. You hear all the time life goes on & it does even when you wish it didn't. My mind keeps saying this time 2 yrs ago I didn't know that by later in the night how our life was going to change. And since then our lives have continued to change. Britt has married, Nate & Cassey have had Noah, the kids are getting older. Me & Greg are getting older lol but we just keep going. Thats all we can do. Love each other.

You look around and listen and realize there are so many people walking around in pain and grief, so many walking around with a smile that is not exactly real, more like painted on to make it through whatever is going on in their lives. Just say a prayer for them. And say a prayer for me, Greg, the girls Shanes kids our family. We are all going through this together even though we may not all be here together. Their is a place in our hearts that will be forever empty because we have lost him, that will never be filled. We just have to hold on to what we've got.....each other

Tis The Season

Well its here again, the Holiday Season. The time when people are to be jolly. I dont know about that. Anyone who knows me well know that I dont enjoy the holidays to much because working in retail its all around us so it takes some of the pleasure away. Ive always enjoyed the family part and the kids. Kids truly make the season Merry. But the dreaded date that the girls and I absolutlely hate is coming up the day our lives changed forever. Dec 3, 2009. Some things you never get totally over. Losing Shane is that time. Things will never be the same, nor will we. I was talking to another Mother in the store yesterday, she lost her son about 2wks after Shane in a car wreck. He was her baby boy though he was just over 30. And we were talking about how we have to be thankful for what we do have. And I am truly. Im thankful for my Lord first & foremost. My wonderful husband who has stood by me & loved me from hell & back. My girls who are just amazing to me . I am in awe of them and all they do. Neither one of them are afraid to try anything new. Our grandkids. All 4 of them. They make me smile so much. Each of them are amazing in their on little way. Already little people. Shanes 3 each have some of their Daddy in them. I look at their eyes and see HIM. It makes me happy & sometimes sad. Especially Ashtyn, just his expressions, he looks just like him except for the blond hair.

And there is NOAH!! What a little ball of fire he is. Everything to him is a new adventure. I swear he hasnt been a baby since he was like 2 wks old. I enjoy everything about him.

So anyway, I am very THANKful for what I do have and for who is in my life. My family & my extended family. There are people in my life that even though they dont have the same blood they are my family. And Im thankful for them.

So back to the dreaded date. I have wished it would just pass & it will. I dont know if it will be quiet or with people. We have a invite to go to a big bonfire on that night. I was looking forward to it thought it would be alot of fun until I saw the date. I told Greg maybe it would be best to go be around people not tell them what the date is & try to have fun. It would be better I guess than sitting at home watching the clock for that dreaded time. Which is what I would do. We will see.

Anyway I better get off Addi just got up & shes talking to me & I cant think now, haha! Love these kids.....