30 Day Picture Challenger TOPICS

30 Day Picture Challenger TOPICS

Day 1: A picture of you with 10 facts.
Day 2: A picture with you and the person you have been closest with.
Day 3: A picture of your cast from your favorite show.
Day 4: A picture of your favorite night.
Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 6: A picture of someone you would love to trade places with for a day.
Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10: A picture of the person you do the craziest things with.
Day 11: A picture of something you hate.
Day 12: A picture of something you love.
Day 13: A picture of your favorite band/artist.
Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16: A picture of someone that inspires you.
Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19: A picture of a letter.
Day 20: A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23: A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25: A picture of your favorite day.
Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27: A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28: A picture of something your afraid of.
Day 29: A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30: A picture of someone you miss.

30 Day Picture Challenge

Cassey wanted me to try this so I will. I don't know how good I will be at it though.

30 Day Picture Challenge:

Day 1: A Picture of Yourself & 10 Facts....

1. I love my husband, truly & deeply. When we said I do June 2, 2007 . We had no idea how much our life was going to change in two yrs.

2. Our kids & Grandkids mean the world to me.

3. I lost Shane Dec 3, 2009 in a car wreck & I believe its the one thing I will never truly get over.

4. My girls are a true blessing to me & I admire them so much.

5. I love all of our family.

6. I desire to be a more Godly person.

7. I have decided to take better care of my body & live a healthier life style & I have discovered that I like working out.

8. I am shocked that I am (shhh) 50 at the end of the year!

9. I can't believe that I have worked in the same place for over 19 yrs.

10. I love FaceBook because I can keep up with my girls, my family. And friends that I might not otherwise ever talk to.

I miss my kids. Thats the plan & simple truth! Cassey is so far away but we talk daily. Brittany may as well be overseas with Cass cause I don't get to see her either. But we also talk daily. My girls are such a blessing to me. They are so level headed and responsible. The Lord truly blessed me with them. They always think of me and no matter how busy they are they take the time to call even for just a quick Hello. For this I am Thankful.

Shane....I have this ache still way down deep. I assume I will always have it. Most days are ok even though the ache is always there. Then some days it's so strong it's almost physical. Ashtyn was talking this morning about his co*cart Shane had gotten for him and he said "Gammy, do you remember when my Daddy was alive"( then on with his story). It's sad that children so young have to deal with death.

I'm looking forward to the end of March because I'm gonna go see Britt & Meguell. The in July I think Cassey, Nate & Noah will be in Texas for a couple of weeks. So I'm looking forward to seeing everyone in the coming weeks and months. I guess I'm going through a little empty nest here. But it will pass. So girls if you read this do NOT worry about me. I am fine! I'm just having a moment, but it will pass.

Now on the up side. Noah is 11mths old today! Unbelievable! Where as the time gone. In another month he is going to be 1 ! Wow! he is such a smart litle guy. A bright & shining star thats for sure. Oh and by the way, Shane's 3 kids are doing fine. Growing up so much. They really seem to be doing good. So basically everyone is ok. And for this I am thankful!

2011

I can't believe it's already close to the end of Febuary 2011. Where does the time go? i know it's been a long time since I have written. The 1 yr anniversary of losing SHane has come & gone. It was terrible to be honest. Truman W Smith put on a memorial for their workers and Shane's family. It was heart wretching, almost like losing him all over again, but then it was good to, good to know they still think of him and miss him. They truly loved him as he did them he really loved his job there. Im going to try to write on here more but it will be mainly for me. Not private, anyone who knows about my blog can read it but Im not going to post it right now cause I want it for me.

Today is probably not the best day to write here because I feel kind of down. I feel alone and I don't know why. The 3 kids are here. Greg is here but I feel alone....Probably hormones or something. I miss my kids. I still feel such a lose of Shane. He was always just right around the corner, but not anymore. I miss my girls, it feels like forever since Ive seen them, they make me laugh so much! But it will pass. Like I said it's just hormones or just a fleeting feeling. I think it's a normal feeling for a Mother who has lost a child or even one who hasn't but her children are far away. I do not at all resent that they are far away. Both of my girls have made a good life for themselves. They have great husbands, both of them & now Cass has Noah. I truly am blessed by them and by my 3 GRANDchildren who at this moment are in there watching Shrek. They are amazing children.

So I will get off for now and next time I will be more positive.

December 1

Well here it is, Dec1,2010. Where does time go? How can it possibly be that I have not talked to my Son in almost a year? I have not hugged him & told him I love you in almost a year. Thankfully we always hugged & said those 3 words, most importantly meant them! My heart is breaking, it's been a yo~yo of emotions all year , but these last few days have been so up & down. Though I try to stop it's like my heart is on a countdown. This time last year, this week last year and so on.
I talked to a Mother today that lost her Son 14 yrs ago. I remember when he died. I ask her when do do feel normal again? She told me, you don't it never goes away. So I guess it's something you learn to live with. How? I don't know. I guess day by day, just as we have managed for the last year.
When you look around you see there are many people walking around with their hearts hurting for one reason or another. So sad actually. We have much to be Thankful for. I know I do. But where is the happiness? I look forward to the day when I can be happy. I have a great husband, wonderful girls, totally awesome Grandchildren and a good family. But when will the cloud leave?

Tick~Tock

Tic toc, tic toc, there is the timer going on in my head & my heart. Here it is Nov 27, 2010. The saturday after Thanksgiving. Last year on this Saturday we were all happy. By now we were finished with Britt and Meguell's wedding shower. We were all so happy though Cassey wasn't with us they had a really great shower. And to top it off Shane & Brian dressed up as girls totally down to the pink toe nails, dresses, boobs the whole thing and busted in on the shower. We all loved it! Shane was at such a happy time in his life at this point. Happier than he had been in quite a while. Little did we know that the clock was running. That in less than a week our happiness was to be shattered. Tic toc, tic toc.....

Everything in this last year has been compared to the year before. When Shane was with us. So much has changed, we have all changed and I honestly don't know if we will ever be the same again. So much since that hellish night has gone on. Brittany got married, Noah was born, Brittany graduated from college. Shane's children have grown so much, somehow among all of this we have continued to go on. Though at times it seemed impossible. I remember the feeling of wondering how everyones lives continue to go on when ours had crumbled around us. I have been to more funerals in the past 12mths than I have my entire life! Mrs Molly so sweet & kind, such an example of what a true Christian is went to Heaven with her family about 2 wks ago. Then Elisha who sat right behind me, we chit chatted as we did at the Yamboree, she died last week so strange that 2 wks after Molly passed that Im sitting in the same pew at the same funeral home saying goodbye to Elisha. We all went to church together . Our kids grew up together for many years. And Cindy & Larry are going through the same thing. She also has 3 children who will have to learn to live without their parent. I remember last year thinking how can it be that last week we were at Britt's shower and this week Shane is DEAD? Last week we were having so much fun and SO MUCH LAUGHTER and this week SO MANY TEARS? Last week were were laughing and joking this week we are picking out Shane's casket??? This is not right. None of it is. I'm not right in so many ways and wonder, will I ever be?

Tic toc, the time is fast approaching to the 1 year anniversary and I cannot stand this feeling I have inside, like I'm about to explode! I can't stand it. So I turn in to myself so maybe it will pass. They always say the first year is the hardest because its the year were every thing you do, you do without your loved one. On one hand I cannot believe a year has already passed, on the other I'm angry cause it has passed so fast! I can't wait for the month of December to pass. Hurry hurry tic toc, tic toc...........

Thursday How I Hate You








Well here it is another Thursday Night. I'm watching Grey's Anatomy & fixing to watch Private Practice. I'm sweeping mopping all those not so fun things, the same thing I was doing last year on Dec 3, 2009 when life as I knew it was turned upside down. This has been the absolute worst year in my life. At this time it is easier, but no.... it's not. I feel at times like everything is spiraling. Ashtyn's hand was hurting from burning it last weekend & he was crying then said "I wish my Daddy was here cause he always put bandaids on my boo~boo's" all I could say was I know he would. You want me to put one on it? This is not fair! Where is the sense in all of it? But don't get me wrong here because children are so strong. They do miss him, so much but on the flip side they're growing & happy. Ashtyn has his moments but all in all they are adjusting pretty well, I think I mean what the hell do I know? I didn't ask for this anymore than his 3 kids did. I never know what Chloe' is thinking cause she doesn't like to talk about him, but I do know that when she comes over she is SO happy to be with us.She's glad to see the little ones & they are so glad to see her. Addi was looking at our pictures on the fridge, I thought she was gonna say something about her Daddy but this time it was Chloe' she told me " I wish my Sissy was here".


So anyway the 1 year anniversary is coming up and I can tell you the first year is pure hell. One minute its kinda ok then the next it's not. You know as we go through life we have family and/or friends that lose a loved one, we are sorry for their loss and when its a family member we feel the pain also but I can tell you until you experience it yourself you have no idea what it's like, you think you do but Im telling you , you don't. I had a friend that lost her daughter years ago in a accident. 6 yrs ago Susie lost Kinsey in a accident, I was one of those that sympathized for their loss, but I did not know the depth of it. I am angry sometimes that this year is almost over. Guilty even that I have survived this year. Everything is marked by this time last year he was here with us and so on. People ask how you doing? You ok? You just tell them yes. Lot's of time it may be true but lots of times it's not, but people don't really want to know that, I know they care but they really dont want to know that sometimes you feel as if your losing control or that your heart screams from the loss of your child, your first born & only Son.


Okay sorry I'm just going on. I really am ok but it's thursday and it's almost a year, it's been a hellish week so I'm just rambling on.


On a happier note, I just love being a Gammy. When Ashtyn looked at me this morning and told me he loved me so, so much it is the best. Or when Addi comes in after waking up & her beautiful hair is everwhere and climbs in my lap, its amazing. Then when Chloe' is here she gives me her bashful hugs and gives me that beautiful smile, I totally love it! Then there is Mr Noah. Sweet Noah who is only 7 1/2 mths but he thinks he's 2! I get to visit him on Skype and when he see's me he smiles just so bright! He is such a happy baby! Cass & Nate are great parents.


And let me not forget Brittany & Meguell, they are just starting out but they are doing great. I am proud of them. They are young but yet so mature. So as hard as things have been & can be, I have so much to truly be thankful for. And I am. And then there is my wonderful Greg. What a wonderful man he is. He has been my strength & my rock. He loves the girls & the grandkids without fault. He is amazing. So see even though I get down, it's like the Lord reminds me that though life is hard I do still have so much to be Thankful for. And I am........